Saturday, 6 September 2008

Little Bird flies the Nest

My Little Bird holding Wayne the Chavfinch after his run in with the French Windows

This weekend is a difficult weekend; I had planned it so scrupulously, not realising that even the best laid plans often end up in the waste bin. My daughter leaves home this weekend for University. I had spent the summer scouting around the sales, buying her bedding and pots and pans, and all the things you need to set up your first home away from home. I was totally oblivious to the circustances that were going to overtake me, I had it planned to the most minute detail, so that in my heart I knew she was well provided for and would settle into her new surroundings quickly and easily. She is renting a house along with a group of other students as Halls accommodation at her Art School is very restricted. I went through this exercise with my son a couple of years ago, and it helped me a great deal to know that he was well equipped, and comfortable in his new home. This time I can't help, all I can do is watch as they load the car and plan what's going where in her new home. I find things like this so difficult, I so want to be part of it, plump the cushions on her new bed, run a duster around at the last minute, spring a home baked cake on her as we leave; but I can't, and it fills me with a huge sadness. I feel as if I have been robbed of sharing essential part of my daughter's development from madcap teenager, to self sufficient adult. It's moments like their first words, their first steps, their first tooth, they are moments you can't repeat, and I feel robbed and bereft as I watch the last load of books and clothes disappear into the boot of my Husband's estate car, ready to transport her to her new life. I shall just wave goodbye as they disappear down the lane.


Pipany said...

Oh Zoe, this is hard. I do feel for you so much. It is an integral part of us to want to be there, to settle our children and see them safe, happy. Grieve a little then move on to the bits you can do - be there on the phone, email and be mum. That is what she wants and you both need. It is the things you say as much as what you do that makes you special. Thinking of you xx

bradan said...

Zoë, that is so sad, but you will hold each other in your hearts. I am thinking of you. xx

Withy Brook said...

And the tears ran down your face. If it had been me, I would have been throwing things. But you have done all the bits that really matter. You have brought her up to be a well-balanced girl with all the necessary attributes. You have bought her all the things she needs. And now her Father will see her into her new house. As Pipany says, you are still there for her and she will need that knowledge and contact with what she knows. She knows you love her and she loves you - is not that a wonderful thing in itself. I am not decrying the loss you feel at not being there with her, the cake etc - just trying to put the positive side. Keep strong my dear and know that we are all with you in this.

Exmoorjane said...

Oh Zoe.....I remember this moment so SO well - but as the girl, not the mother. She will know, she will understand and she will love you and worry about you just as you love and worry about her. Truly, all will be well. Hugest hug, dear heart. Janexxxx

mountainear said...

Oh Zoë, please don't be too hard on yourself. You've got her this far, you've given her wings to fly, made her the person she is today ready to take on the world - and you will be there at the end of the phone tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. She will understand.

...and Art School. Where? Exciting or what!

Pili pala said...

Zoe my boy goes off to university at the end of this month (second to fly the nest of four).Its an emotional time isn't it. I feel I'm torn between wanting to sort everything out for him and standing back to allow him to sort things out. I suppose we all only truly learn by making our own mistakes. I like you am worrying about all the things I should have taught him,warned him about shown him. I guess we all feel the same, it's hard letting go. I just keep telling myself how wounderfull it is that they have the confidence to go we must have done something right Zoe.
I've been thinking of you. There's a little something on its way to you. Lots of love xx

Frances said...

Good evening to you, dear Zoe.

Well. Yes, what you had envisioned for this time was just rearranged, suddenly. But You are still so definitely You. As is your daughter still your daughter.

This time of her taking a giant step into her own unknown future is something that both of you will have even a better memory of in years to come.

Do you know, I am over 60 now, and can still remember the color of the towels that my mom and I chose before I went off to college (uni to you all) and so much more about the experience. It is vivid.

I am so sure that your daughter has even more vivid memories collecting in her wise mind.

Continued best wishes and love to you.


VP said...

Oh Zoe - that's hard. But hang onto this - you were involved in the preparations and you still helped your beautiful daughter fly the nest, even if you didn't do everything you planned to do.

Your daughter will still remember that and what a good fighter you are.

Will be thinking of you especially on Tuesday.

Wooly Works said...

Your writing is so serene and yet describes such turmoil. You've really been through the wringer in these last weeks. Hugs and hugs and more hugs to you.

Cait O'Connor said...

Yes Zoe, as the saying goes you have given your daughter the roots to grow and the wings to fly. You can always phone and email and she will be back for hols befor you know it.
Your rose photo is fantastic.

Milla said...

wooly puts it so well. But for goodness sake, girl, please don't beat yourself up. You have made her the girl she is and when you make the journey to visit her it will be all the more special.

Inthemud said...

Just catching up Zoe,
Reading your blog about op brought back all the memories, those stockings!! How glamourous, I even brought mine home!!

I wish your daughter al the very best at Art school, so hard for you, but she'll soon be home to visit again.